


Groundhog Day

by Arwen88



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Groundhog Day, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Time Loop, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21907534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwen88/pseuds/Arwen88
Summary: Ninety one days of living again and again the same day, and Lewis had quickly gone from trying to find what could make him go on with his life to trying to get the better of a day out of that hellish situation.
Relationships: David Dobie/Lewis Nixon, Lewis Nixon/Richard Winters
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40
Collections: DDSherman Holiday Exchange for BoB 2019





	Groundhog Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fiorediloto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiorediloto/gifts).



> Thanks to Zippit for betareading this <3

When Dick's voice started reaching him Lewis tried desperately to hang on to it and wake up, instinctively knowing what was going to come even if he couldn't physically manage to open his eyes or do more than mumble a "no".

When Dick threw his piss pitcher over him, convinced it was nothing but water, Lewis finally managed to wake up, but instead of cussing his friend out or trying to suffocate his screams of frustrations like he had done many times since he had gotten stuck on that freaking day, Lewis was finally awake enough to cry his heart out into his stinky pillow.

Ninety one days of living again and again the same day, and Lewis had quickly gone from trying to find what could make him go on with his life to trying to get the better of a day out of that hellish situation.

He had tried being the best officer he could be, had tried fucking up big time and getting court martialed, had tried having sex with as many as he could get to, had tried even bedding the man he was in love with, had tried killing himself.

Nothing had worked, and in the end he had lost any hope.

The day before, the ninetieth day stuck there, Lewis had managed to fuck up so hard and so badly that he had spent the worst night of his life and now he had no more will to go on or even pretend he could.

"Lew, what's wrong?"

Lewis sobbed, hiding his face in his pillow, and tried to pull away from Dick's attempt to shake his shoulder.

He could hear the worry in his friend's voice, but he couldn't face the man, not after what they had gone through the night before.

"Lew, talk to me..."

"Can't."

"Sure you can."

He felt the mattress dip under Dick's weight, the sound of his friend sniffing the air and making a disgusted sound at understanding what exactly he had thrown on Lewis to wake him up.

"Was that piss?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, God, Lew, I'm so sorry..." Dick started, sounding mortified, but Lewis shook his head, tears still freely pooling on his pillow.

"I'm not- it's not that."

"Then what is it?" Dick murmured, gently caressing his back, always the caring friend.

The caring lover, Lewis knew it because he had attempted starting a sexual relationship with his best friend a long time ago, around a month in that nightmare. But he wasn't the right one for Dick, he knew so because no matter what he did, Dick would always look like he was holding back, as if he was always somehow hurt by Lewis. The more he had attempted to reassure Dick that it didn't have to mean anything, that it was just sex, the more the man had taken a step back from him, given Lewis all he could ask for despite everything feeling wrong between them.

Lewis had had enough of it in the end and had drunk more than usual the previous day, kissing Dick but asking him to not ask for more, not that day. He had stumbled away from the worried gaze of his friend to search for something to adequately celebrate his ninetieth day in there, when he had found himself once more in the company of Dobie after the rescue mission.

Maybe he shouldn't have avoided Dick the whole day since after kissing him in the morning, he had reconsidered later. Or maybe he shouldn't have fucked Dobie again, having actually stopped around fifty days before, since he had started actually getting bold enough to ask Dick for it.

Maybe he should’ve made sure his door was locked, so to avoid Dick entering in search for him after a whole day of sending him runners telling Lewis to show up. He couldn't forget how the air had left him when Dick had stared bewildered at him bent over his desk and at the colonel behind him before a mask of indifference had slammed down over his features and his best friend had just turned away and stepped out of the room without a single word.

Maybe Lewis should've ran after him right away.

Maybe he should’ve screamed at Dick's retreating back to stop and forgive him.

Not that he had thought Dick would actually do such a thing. And then again, forgive him for what when the only thing they had shared - that Dick could know - was a stupid long kiss under the showers in the early morning before even going to see Sink.

But he had waited, had sent Dobie on his way before composing himself to go look for Dick, but by then he had found himself unable to knock at his door, not with his heart breaking at the sound of someone calling Dick's name in a moan from inside the room.

Lewis knew he was nothing more than a hypocrite, standing outside Dick's door like he had any business being jealous of him after the man had caught him fucking somebody else hours after kissing him like it had meant something only to then leave him hanging out to dry the whole day.

But after being so focused on how to get that day to work around himself, Lewis had reality slam into his face at the realization that if he couldn't give Dick what he needed, somebody else could.

And he had been a fool to forget how many others worshipped and looked at Dick, how many others hung from every word out of his lips. Dick was his best friend, Lewis wasn't even sure how, but that didn't give him any dibs on the handsome officer.

"Lew."

Lewis sniffed, shaking his head, but he forced himself to clean his face before he lifted his head from the pillow. "I don't know what to do," he admitted with his voice hoarse from all the crying. He could barely see Dick sitting beside him in the corner of his eye.

"I don't know what to do," he repeated somewhat pathetically. "What if- you wouldn't believe me if I were to tell you." He felt a bout of nausea hit him, and he forced himself to swallow it down. "You'd think I'm crazy or out of my mind. And I probably am, but that wouldn't change what I'm living through and I can't- I can't anymore."

"Why don't you talk to me, Nix?" Dick asked gently, in the soft tone he used to reassure their men, and for a moment Lewis wanted nothing else but to curl up in Dick's lap and let the man hold him tight, reassure him everything would be alright and try to lose himself in that lie for as long as he could.

"You wouldn't believe me."

"I'll try to believe you, alright? Just give me a chance." Dick sounded so worried and hopeful that Lewis would trust him that Lewis stopped fighting down the need to talk about his hellish experience there. 

God knew he needed someone to share his burden with. Even if said person was the man he loved but he couldn't have.

He stared at his knees, his eyes still burning, and swallowed a lump stuck in his throat. “I’m not sure if I’d prefer you believing me or you sending me back to a hospital. Point is that if you do believe me you’re gonna be-” He closed his eyes, a wave of nausea rising from the pit of his stomach at the memory of those terrible hours he had just spent knowing there was the possibility he could truly mean nothing to Dick, that it would’ve taken the man now sitting beside him zero time to find somebody to substitute him with.

“You’re gonna be so disgusted by me, and you won’t want to have anything to do with me. And on one hand tomorrow you will forget all about what I’m telling you, but on the other I will know.” He lifted his eyes to Dick, desperately searching his clear eyes and his beautiful features now pulled into a frown. “I will know and remember that when you knew all about what I did, all that I am, and wanted nothing to do with me. And I will know that I should keep my distance from you, no matter how much I care, no matter how much you matter to me, because this simply cannot be without me lying.”

Dick was looking intently at him, but at this he shook his head and reached out, covering one of Lewis' naked knees with one of his hands. "No, don't lie to me," he almost begged.

Lewis knew how much he meant to Dick if he was asking that because the man had always been a stickler and Sink was already waiting for them and Dick would’ve probably wanted to carry him on his shoulders if it meant getting to Sink on time. But he also knew that every time they had lived that day, the first time included, Dick had taken the long route only to appease Lewis, had showered with him after throwing all over him that pint of piss, simply to have an excuse to spend time together. He knew because it had been ninety days and not in one of them Dick had left him alone to compose himself if Lewis didn't ask for it specifically, and even those two times he had been unsure about leaving him alone, looking back at Lewis as if not really certain if Lewis was asking so because he was truly pissed off about the improv shower or because Lewis wanted to go back to sleep.

But every single time that day had rolled over Lewis, he could count on Dick sticking by his side no matter how his love for the rules probably screamed at the man to get a move on his duties.

"I lived this day ninety one times, Dick. I keep waking up and it's always this morning in this stinking bed after you throw my piss on me. It doesn't matter if I go to sleep earlier, I can't manage to wake up before you do it, I tried. It's the first thing I tried to change of this stinking day." He shook his head, looking at the window Dick had opened to wake him up, the cold light of day streaming in and reflecting on the dust floating around. "It's always like this. The first time we had a laugh and we went to shower together before going to Sink. He will tell me that I have to talk with Colonel Dobie about some intel about rescuing some Brits. You will get stuck in your room redacting a report on that action of the other day while I follow the others on the mission. You'll spend the whole day just on that single report. I dropped by a couple times the first day, and then I did again several other times in the following days that it all repeated itself, hoping to change things, I even tried getting you with us on the action." He shrugged. "I thought maybe that was when it had gone wrong, you not taking part in the action like you clearly wanted to do. But it wasn't that. The day is pretty- well, boring, all considered. You keep to yourself, we save the Brits, we celebrate in the barn with the boys and the Brits, a lot of beer goes around."

He fell silent, staring at the naked floor, at his boots casually thrown beside the chair with his uniform on top, and he tried to collect his thoughts to better explain to Dick all that had happened.

"First time I woke up with the same routine I thought I had drunk too much at the party honestly, then that I had dreamed the first day and it was all a big coincidence. The third day like this I thought there was something wrong with me. I started attempting to go to bed earlier, I even stopped with the booze. It doesn't change a thing. I'm the only one that remembers, the only one that lives this day again and again. I tried getting away, I stole a jeep and drove as fast as I could as far as I managed before midnight struck and I woke up here once more."

"I tried changing things up, with mixed results. Apparently if I refuse to go or stay here I get court martialed, which, let me tell you, is all the more scarier the first time than the subsequent ones. I was once as drunk as heck and they court martialed me again- maybe a couple times, alright, but then they either sent me to prison or killed me, and I wake up here anyway. I started trying to make the best out of it at some point." He stared into the air, his body shivering at the thought of truly telling Dick and having more than just a few hours of the man hating him or simply ignoring him like he didn't exist, which was even worse, in Lewis' opinion.

"I had sex with Dobie," he admitted softly despite the heavy weight in his stomach and every instinct in him screaming not to do so, not to tell Dick and push him away in the process.

The silence that greeted that admission was chilling and Lewis needed a good thirty seconds before daring to look at Dick.

The man wasn't looking at him anymore, a little frown on his face, but he actually looked more sad than disgusted or angry, no matter what Lewis might’ve expected.

He waited in silence for Dick to say something, anything, and it seemed to take Dick an even longer time to understand that Lewis was looking for an answer of some kind. But he didn't look at him, he barely let his gaze slide over Lewis' bony knees.

"Are you in love with him?" he asked in a whisper, and Lewis leaned back with a frown of his own, surprised by the question and even more by the realization that that was the first thought that had gotten into Dick's mind at knowing he had fucked somebody else.

"What- no!"

Dick turned to look at him then, frowning harder, and Lewis was now able to see the hurt and uncertainty in his eyes. "You- there's no need to lie, Lew. Not after telling me this. He- just." He seemed at a loss for words, but Lewis interrupted him by reaching out and wrapping his fingers around Dick's wrist.

"I'm not in love with him, Dick!"

"Then why?" Dick asked in a rush, searching his eyes for an answer, and it was Lewis' turn to be left speechless.

Of all the answers and scenarios, he couldn't understand why would Dick ask for such a thing, as if he couldn't envision Lewis actually fucking somebody just for the pleasure of sex, but then slowly, very slowly, things started to make sense.

And he realized he had been the biggest idiot.

"You think sex is only for the people you're in love with?" he asked slowly, squeezing Dick's wrist with his heart hammering in his chest, needing that answer like the air he breathed.

Dick turned away, a flush rising to his cheeks, but he shook his head. "I guess it depends," he murmured looking away. "I- I guess it's not for everybody."

"I had sex with you too," Lewis admitted in a whisper before he could stop himself.

Dick froze beside him, his eyes growing round in surprise, but then something cold fell on him, and not for the first time Lewis saw his friend pull back from him, trying to shy away from his words.

"Why."

It would’ve been easy to say everything then, but Lewis wasn't sure if he could, if he could be totally sincere with Dick and still keep their friendship intact. He stopped himself, his lips parted and his whole body leaning towards Dick, his grip on Dick's wrist probably so tight he might’ve hurt the man.

"Because I wanted you, Dick," he whispered, settling for a half truth. "I wanted you for so long."

Dick turned his gaze on him, searching Lewis' face for an answer that Lewis was still reluctant to voice.

"I couldn't believe it when you actually kissed me back, and it took me a week to get the courage to ask for more," Lewis murmured. "I stopped with Dobie as soon as I understood you were interested- you were- at least that, Dick. I never pretended from you more than that, I would never ask you for more." He shook his head, lowering his eyes. "I know my limits and I didn't want to push for more. But it was all I had ever wanted and I was- I was almost happy in those moments, Dick." He squeezed lightly Dick's wrist, brushing his thumb over it. 

"Except you would always hold back and then in the morning I would wake up here, always here, alone, with you throwing my piss at me. I-" Lewis felt tears fill his eyes once more, a prickling sensation growing behind them. "I had to face the truth that that wasn't probably what fate wanted from me, for us, and I- I couldn't ask for it once more yesterday, not knowing it was the ninetieth day here and it was clear you weren't the answer. I only wanted to get shitfaced and raid the kitchens. But I couldn't help kissing you in the morning, but then you- you always ask questions after I do that. And I couldn't bear that. So I ran away. I told you not today and I ran. And I got shitfaced. And I fucked Dobie again. You caught us and I found you later having sex with somebody else." He rushed to end, and caught then the bewildered look on Dick's face, one eyebrow hiked high at hearing he had actually fucked somebody apparently just in revenge for seeing Lewis fuck Dobie.

They sat in silence after that, both of them staring at the empty air, trying to digest everything going on around them.

"Did you tell me all this before?"

"No."

"Why?"

Lewis just shrugged, too tired to even search for a real answer to that question.

"Why me though?" Dick murmured, and Lewis barked out a joyless laugh.

"Are you kidding me, Dick?" He shook his head, tilting his head back to push back the need to cry. "Like there could be someone else," he whispered.

He felt Dick turn towards him then and he closed his eyes to not meet his gaze, to try and delay the moment he would have to listen to Dick tell him he was very sorry but he wasn't in love with him.

"Lew..."

Lewis shook his head at the whisper, but reopened his eyes when Dick took his hand between his own, warming it in his gentle grasp. For a moment, when he met Dick's hopeful gaze, Lewis felt almost thrown.

"What-"

"Lew, why me? You say you had Dobie because- because he was there and willing, I guess? But why me?" Dick asked in a whisper, as if there lay all he wanted to know, every answer to all Lewis had told him up until that moment. And somehow it probably did, Lew considered.

"Because I love you."

It was such an easy answer, and yet it weighed strangely on his tongue, tasting like ash, and Lewis tried to ready his broken heart for the moment Dick would lean back and shake his head, say sorry, Lew, but-

Instead of pushing him away though, Dick seemed to be freed by a burden, his shoulders dropping and the frown smoothing on his forehead. For a moment Lewis could swear his friend's hands on him felt warmer as the man leaned a little closer.

"Did you ever say that to me before?" Dick wondered in a soft voice.

Lewis didn't even have to think before shaking his head, a little bewildered at seeing Dick had not pushed him away yet. "I know you can't love me back, Dick. Why tell you I do only to then have to live my whole life knowing you see me only as a friend? And even worse, know you won't even remember me telling you, or you saying no. I hoped to at least salvage a little piece of my pride and have a chance to say one day 'well maybe if I had told him he would’ve wanted me', at least to pretend-"

He was shocked into silence when Dick leaned closer in a rush, smashing their mouths together in a completely different kiss from the ones Lewis had managed to sneak in in all those months.

Dick kept pressing their lips together for a moment too long and entirely too brief, but when he leaned back with his eyes still closed Lewis had to squish down the desire to follow him. He needed answers more than he needed another kiss, no matter how rare Dick's spontaneous kisses were.

"Why- what?" He croaked out, bewildered at his friend's behaviour.

Shockingly, Dick smiled affectionately at him after opening his eyes, not looking embarrassed or put out as he usually was after Lewis had attempted convincing him to kiss in the past.

"You need to stop lying or holding back with me, Lew," he murmured, gently squeezing Lewis' hand between his own. "Stop avoiding going for what you want only because you think you can't have it."

Lewis stared at him in silence, slowly letting his gaze drop from his beloved's face to his hands and back to the features he knew at heart.

"Dick?"

"You said you love me."

"I do," he whispered with a nod of his head, his mind refusing to follow what seemed too crazy to be true.

"Then why did you never tell me?"

"Because you don't-"

"But I do!" Dick interrupted him in a rush, scooting closer to him with half a smile. "I do, Lew, and if to get here you had to wander and attempt so many different things so many times, even bedding others, I don't care, not if you say you only wanted me."

"I do," Lewis murmured, covering Dick's hands with his own, still shocked at how things were slowly unraveling between the two of them. "I always wanted you."

"Not just sex?"

He shook his head slowly, frowning slightly. "Fell in love at Toccoa, would’ve lain in the fire for you. But I was married already and I knew you would never see me like that, or accept a married man. I tried pushing you out of me, but I couldn't, I never could, Dick..."

“I don’t want you to.” Dick smiled softly, looking so tender and hopeful that Lewis had to lean in and chastely kiss him on the lips once more.

It was his turn to close his eyes in that little kiss, trying to commit it to memory in the hope to never forget how it had felt to truly have Dick for himself if only for the shortest time.

He grimaced when he leaned back, shaking his head with disgust. “I stink.”

Dick chuckled softly even if he nodded his head and got up from the bed. “Sorry to break this to you, but you always stink, Lew. Let’s go take a shower before we go to Sink, alright?”

Lewis couldn’t take his eyes off the man, lost at the sight of the man he loved actually offering him to spend more time together, to shower together like they had done so many times, but for once not because Lewis had been the one to propose it in a desperate attempt to try and catch a glimpse of the perfect body of his beloved.

He stood up almost in a haze, and started grabbing at his uniform to follow Dick wherever he wanted to lead him.

***

There was something soft and vulnerable in the way Dick kissed him under the showers, the two of them truly alone in there, the noise of running water covering their shuffling and moans as they pressed to each other.

Dick held Lewis' face gently between his hands, leading him into tilting his head to be able to deepen the kiss more easily, and Lewis went happily along with it, holding the man in his arms and enjoying for once the feeling of Dick taking charge.

The days he had lived through had started blending together, and Lewis couldn't be sure anymore of when something had happened, or what he had done to get some result, but he knew without a doubt that he had not experienced such soft kisses from Dick since the time he had started fucking it all up by telling the man those same kisses didn't really have to mean something.

He could only now see how in his fear that Dick wouldn't have him if Lewis were to try and have more than something purely physical between them, was actually what had pushed him into hurting Dick time and time again.

The truth though was crazier and more fantastic than Lewis would’ve ever imagined, Dick actually holding back day after day precisely because he wanted more than that, because he had waited and hoped for Lewis to actually want more than just sex.

He moaned softly when Dick pushed him with his back against the wall and he let his hands roam the naked body of his beloved.

"Don't want to lose this," he murmured over Dick's lips, searching his eyes when Dick leaned back enough to look him in the eyes.

Lewis loved the sight of Dick wet, water droplets hanging to strands of his hair, to his eyelashes, running over the freckles on his face and his lean but muscular body. He could lose himself easily in Dick's eyes, even more when Dick would look at him with such intensity that for a moment Lewis could pretend to be the only one that existed or mattered in the whole world.

"I don't want to wake up tomorrow and know this will be only in my memory, that you won't ever remember loving me back," he whispered, his voice hoarse at the mere thought of having to live the rest of his life trapped in there, losing Dick's loving touch time and time again.

"Then remember me, if tomorrow you wake up and it's still the same day tell me again, tell me everything." Dick brushed gently his thumbs over Lewis' cheekbones, tenderly as if fearing to break him. In that moment it didn't seem to matter what they had gone through, the duties that called them to dress up and run to their superior, the whole war wrecking the world around them. Dick shook his head, running his thumb over Lewis' lower lip. "Tell me that you love me like you did today, tell me that you need me, and you will have me time and time again," he promised, and Lewis couldn't stop himself from nodding, his heart filled with hope and gratitude to the man in his arms.

***

Lewis worked closely with Dobie just as he had done many times, pretending to study maps and positions that he already knew by heart. He could feel the man’s breath on the nape of his neck as they watched the same papers.

Lewis knew perfectly well how their dynamic could easily change if he were to return the flirting, the glances and little smiles Dobie threw his way. At the same time, he knew how the whole interaction would change to a more professional conduct if he were to stand up at the first occasion, distance himself from the colonel, or again, how it would change if Lewis kept sitting that close to him only to move away later.

Dobie was a man that knew what he wanted and how to get it and Lewis admired such qualities.

It was in part why he enjoyed so much having sex with the colonel: it was wild and easy, both of them aware that it was only sex, no strings attached, and so Lewis had felt free, time after time, to just enjoy the moment without too many thoughts getting in the way.

But those days were over, had been since even before he had found out how Dick tasted, since the day he had grabbed Dick’s hand in a bout of boldness and Dick had not let it go, his gaze softening and a little smile curling his lips.

That one day had been a good one, Lewis foregoing the party he had been too many times to in the barn to instead stay in Dick’s room, chattering and kicking back on his bed while his friend looked at him serenely while he finished his report.

Lewis had not kissed Dick that very day, but he had woken up the morning after still warmed up by it, enough to have the courage to kiss the man in his room when Dick was still chuckling about throwing piss all over him. And that had been the last time Lewis had returned Dobie’s flirt.

In his present, Lewis stood up nonchalantly to pour himself another cup of coffee. Peripherally he noticed Dobie’s curious gaze when Lewis went back to the maps, but like many other times the man understood and backed away, focusing instead on the mission.

***

Mission went on smoothly like almost every other time that day had rolled on. The only big exception that Lewis could remember was the time he was drunk off his boots and had managed to noisily trip on his feet and alert the enemy. It had been a shameful day, started bad with him trying to get past Dick’s worried frown to get to his stash of alcohol in his friend’s locker only for Lewis to give up and try the officers’ reserve.

Lewis had understood too late his error, when one of the boys fell under enemy fire and he had to live with the knowledge that it had been him the one who had fucked up the mission and endangered the boys.

For the first time since they had known each other, Dick had snapped at him on that fateful day, and Lewis had learned that to make the man push him away and lose his patience with him that was what he had to do. Nothing else had ever worked like endangering Dick’s boys to make Lewis lose the friendship with the man, and Lewis had no desire to find out if there ever was the chance for something else to work the same way.

The guilt for that blood on his hands had had Lewis barely sleeping in the next days, too afraid to commit another mistake, but by the fortieth day Lewis had the whole plan down to an art and he started feeling confident in his job once more.

Lewis was pretty much convinced that the Easy boys could actually take that mission home without even the officers commanding them, simply them and the NCOs.

Under his constant fear to remain stuck in that day in a couple hours time when the party in the barn would start rolling, Lewis had never managed to shake off the pride he had for those men that he had practically seen grow up since Toccoa.

More than once he had wondered if he had made the right choice by asking to be moved to Battalion instead of remaining Dick’s subordinate in Easy, but Dick had told him one night that he was the only one he trusted in intelligence, and Lewis was almost ashamed by how much that had done to make him feel more secure in his role.

Lewis slipped out of the barn early on in the party and he walked through the dark field that separated it from the house the officers were billeted in, his mind already on the meeting with Dick that he had been promised when they had managed to see each other briefly to talk about the mission.

He had taken that same route what seemed a million times and didn't need to even look where he was going in the darkness, sneaking past the heavy door to climb the stairs.

He didn't want to look too eager when he knocked at the door, or when he locked it behind himself before climbing the last steps, but the moment he found himself facing Dick he couldn't hold back anymore, not once he saw Dick's small smile and the way he was looking back at Lewis with just as much hope.

He took Dick's face in his hands and pulled him closer, his heart drumming in his chest as Dick wrapped his arms around him to hold him tight, not wasting a second more to deepen their kiss.

Lewis walked him backwards to the bed and Dick groaned softly in the kiss, breaking away from it slightly breathless.

"What if someone comes for me?" he murmured running his gaze over Lewis' face.

Lewis shook his head, already pulling him back in the kiss. "They won't."

Dick seemed to trust him completely on that, relaxing under his hands. What Lewis didn't expect was when Dick started undressing him, quickly unbuttoning Lewis' jacket and shirt, but it took Lewis only a moment to get to it and return the favor to his lover, hurrying to divest Dick of his uniform.

"You're never- you've never been so eager." He shook his head, his body reacting fast at Dick so openly wanting him.

"Did you ever tell me you wanted me for more than sex?" Dick murmured even though they both knew the answer, not really bothered by that if Lewis were to judge by the way Dick started mouthing at the line of his jaw and his throat.

***

Lewis woke up from his dozing to the warm body of Dick still pressed behind him, the man's arm still wrapped around his waist and his peaceful breath hitting the back of Lewis' head and ear.

He closed his eyes and gently caressed Dick's hand, entwining their fingers.

After weeks of having sex with Dick he had finally saw what the difference could be when the man stopped holding back, when he poured what Lewis now knew was all his love into what he did.

Lewis sighed softly, not really wanting to move from under the hot cocoon they had made under Dick's bedsheets, but the need to check the time was growing and weighing heavily on the pit of his stomach. He felt bile rise to his mouth simply at the thought that midnight must’ve been close. He squeezed harder Dick's fingers, wishing with every bit of his heart that midnight would arrive and pass leaving him there awake to see his life finally start rolling once more.

He wasn't sure he had the right to truly hope that the nightmare could finish, but he took a deep breath and tried convincing himself that he could always follow Dick's advice and tell the man all that had happened to him every morning. Have day after day with the man he loved knowing how much he mattered to Lewis.

Maybe it wouldn't have been perfect every time, maybe it wasn't what would’ve freed him from that nightmare, but Lewis knew that choice had at least made both of them truly happy for the first time in a long while.

Lewis smiled and relaxed instinctively when Dick brushed his lips over his naked shoulder. He turned slowly on the pillow to throw a glance at the man from over his shoulder, about to ask how long had he napped, but the words got stuck in his throat as his gaze found the window behind Dick's desk.

Despite Dick drawing the curtains the previous night, there was a warm light gently spilling inside the room from the outside.

Lewis couldn't breathe or even think, shocked at finding the lamp turned off on the desk, the natural light of dawn the one actually kissing the side of Dick's face, his short red hair and his neck, the only parts of him not hidden under the covers.

So very slowly, Lewis turned in the arms of his lover. Bewildered, he brushed the tips of his fingers over the little smile curling Dick's lips, real under his touch, now looking at him with affection and a quiet joy while he waited for Lewis to be able to vocalize his shock.

"What-" he started, finding his voice too hoarse to go on, and cleared his throat before trying again. "What day is it? Dick, did we-?"

"I'd say it's morning." Dick caressed Lewis' side with one hand, stirring his long legs and lightly bumping their knees together in the movement.

It was something new, something that had never happened before, and Lewis felt a shiver run down his spine as he passed his gaze from Dick's features to the window behind him.

The next day had arrived, catching him in the arms of his lover, and Lewis was suddenly thrown at understanding that he knew nothing of what his future could keep in store for him, for either of them.

Broken the chain of repeating days, Lewis was once more one like many others, living a life where he couldn't possibly know what could be of him.

The knowledge was terrible and at the same time the most beautiful thing Lewis had ever had.

"I don't know what will be now," Lewis whispered, looking at Dick almost as if wanting a new confirmation that he truly was experiencing something new.

But Dick merely shrugged, looking unfazed and calm, almost lazy under the sheets. "Nobody knows, Lew. But we can learn from our mistakes and go on."

Lewis nodded slowly, admiring his lover for a moment more before he pressed a kiss to his lips and then their foreheads together, his heart beating so hard he was almost deafened by the rush of blood in his ears from the relief that hit him.

"I will," he promised in a whisper, mostly to himself but also to his lover, now finally aware of what gift he had been given.


End file.
